On Christmas Eve, I did something I hadn't done ( I am ashamed to say) for a long time! I went to the 'Watchnight Service' at our little local church. I also bought a 'friend' with me - this friend took the form of a candle, since Christmas Day would mark the 6 month anniversary of the death of Michael (Jackson). I felt the need to try to find some sort of solace in the lighting of the candle in the church and also at the same time to ressurect my faith and to 'ask God why he had to take Michael so soon!'
In my previous post I mentioned that I had been 'lucky' enough not, up until now, to have experienced grief. So this grieving process is all new to me. The worst thing is there is this little voice in my head which pops up every now an then saying "But you didn't actually know him, it wasn't like he was a close friend!". Which technically is true. However, having spent most of my life devouring every slight bit of information on the man, I do feel like I know him, it does feel like he was a friend, since if I was happy or sad, I had an MJ song I would cry to or dance to!! So now it has been six months and my heart is still breaking, the anger and frustration at the fuitility of it all is still there!! He is the first thought in my mind on waking and the last before going to sleep. I desperately want all of this to just be a very bad dream, that I will wake up from. 1 just dont want him to be and cant accept that he is dead!!
The saddest thing is that reading and posting on the Fan Forums, there are so many like myself, stuck in this perpetual cycle of grief. New Year's Eve was a really bad time for a lot of us....moving into 2010 felt like leaving a part of Michael behind. I personally kept thinking "this time last year he was alive, alive and probably looking forward to the following year with apsolutely no knowledge of what was to befall him!!"
What doesnt help us is the lack of throughflow of information. I feel that there should be a 'Spokesperson' appointed by Michael's family, to communicate with the fans, to keep us updated either on 'the investigation' or on how 'the family' is progressing. To also acknowledge all the effort that has been put into the variety of wonderful gifts sent to either Encino or Michael's tomb at Forest Lawn. At least we would feel included.
I and I am sure the rest of Michael's fans can understand that his family need their 'space', their time to mourn, we in no way want to intrude on any of that. We also understand that the investigation is going to take a long time, and we do not want to jeopordise that. However, we also need some sort of support and form of recognition that a lot of us have stuck with Michael through the good times and the bad and that we have put a great deal of money into his career.
My greatest concern is that as time relentlessly marches onward, Michael's death will become 'old news' people will forget the circumstances and forget to care!! I personally do not think that in the end anybody will be charged with his death. The 'good' Dr Murray has already been allowed to continue practising and there is already talk of 'downgrading' the Homicide charge to a Manslaughter one! I also feel that he was the 'scapegoat' and that the real culprits are too rich and powerful and are quite capable of buying their way out of any 'Murder' charge. So the murder of not just a Superstar but a wonderful human being will go unpunished in the end!
In this respect there is one 'weapon' in Michael's arsenel that Michael's murderers will not have taken into account, that of his fans. With one of the largest fanbases in the world, we could be a force to be reckoned with. Within this 'force' there must be professional Lawyers, Doctors and Accountants, whose services in an advisery capacity would be very useful, helping us question legal documentation along with medical teminology and also understanding Michael's financial affairs. Just now there seem to be a 'wealth' of different MJ Fan Clubs. Surely for the sake of ensuring Justice is served for our Idol, they could all amalgament into one, with Global branches, thus making it a whole lot easier to co-ordinate or implement any action deemed necessary. This would be the time to make History, since nothing like this would have been done before. This would be the time to show the world exactly how 'loyal' we are to Michael and what lengths we will go to for him.
At this moment in time I am prepared to 'fight tooth & nail' to try to implement this, since I feel this is the only way we will get any answers. As to what happens in the end if and when we do....I would like to think that if a 'Main Fan Club' was set up that it would continue to operate and would work alongside the family to ensure a throughflow of communication between the two parties. That the fans would be allowed a say on such things as :- Souveniers (quality and types), allocation of funds (which Charities should benefit), his music( what is released, and when - we dont want continual 'Greatest Hits' or compliation albums with one new song included).
Through the book I am compiling at present 'Michael - By His Fans, For His Fans', I am collecting a wealth of 'stories' the fans have sent to me regarding their feelings and Histories of following him. The best thing about it all is that I have recieved quiet a few entries from teenagers as young as 13/14yrs, which is so reassuring, since that means his memory is safe for at least the next 50 or so years!!
Thank you for taking the time to read this & I would love any comments you might wish to make
Keep the Faith
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