So here we are - the clocks have gone back, the days are now shorter, again. Although lucky enough to live in a beautiful part of the country, and blessed with the excuse to go out and wander those fields and lanes with my faithful hound Archie, I ache to have someone to be able to share the beauty that is the countryside that surrounds me. The Autumnal elegance of those golden and russet leaves and the mists settling in the valley that contains my village, are continually tinged with the sadness that I view them alone. Sometimes I think I can feel Michael's spirit in the wind that whips the leaves into a mad whirling dance or the beauty of the heavy frost that softens the stark outlines of the leafless trees and bushes, but more often than not it is just me and my dog!
Winter is never a good time, not in the least for those of us residing in the Northern Hemisphere. Last winter was an extremely harsh one, with unparalleled snowfalls. For those of living out in the countryside we found ourselves for the first time cut off from civilisation for four days!!! Suddenly our world got a whole lot smaller. However, at least it instilled a real sense of community, so if there was a silver lining in those snow clouds it was nice to see everyone pulling together!
Throughout all of this I have had, certainly through the last winter, my trusty laptop, providing me with my portal to another world - that of my MJ friends and colleagues in California. Their wonderfully sunny, colourful pictures would be enough to brighten up any winters day. Their friendly banter in their posts, bought a smile to my face on many occassions. Their world was my escape and I dream & hope that next year it may become my reality!
However, through the period between last winter and this there have been changes. The camaraderie that held us all together started to become unstuck. Holes started appearing in what was I had a thought a tightly knit global community. It appeared that there were those whose intentions (whether under their own volition or others) was to destroy that camaraderie and sow the seeds of doubt and suspicion amongst us. In fact I think I can safely say that the period from Jan/Feb of 2010 to present has been spent in a state of continual upheaval. The main battle ground became Twitter, the battle - for the hearts and minds of Michael's fans. Through this whole year, I think I can safely say I have witnessed the full gamut of human emotion from deep, deep despair to jealousy and even anger! I have been made aware of the 'dark side' to the two main Social Networking sites (Twitter & Facebook). On Twitter, I have seen 'Tweets' from one 'fan' to another which beggar belief in regards to the depths of the depravity of language used. These you have to remind yourself are from, generally, woman of ages with Michael and are sent to other individuals they scarcely know! In regards to Facebook, fans set up 'fake' Facebook Accounts to either manipulate gullible fans to part with money or to surreptitiously gain access to other's pages to which under their real identities, for one reason or another they had been blocked - again in order to attack. That is the big problem with the Internet and Social Networking sites, you can become anyone. It is so easy to build up an an alter ego - I should know I too have several on FB, all created with no great deal of effort. There is no real policing of any of these sites and should one of your 'fake' accounts for one reason or another get shut down, you simply create another one, and another, and another.....
Unfortunately, it is the need for overnight fame by certain individuals which has exacerbated all of this! Although I have never lived there, having watched many a documentary on or around the city, I imagine that there is more of need to grab some part of the limelight in Los Angeles than anywhere else! As many of the genuine fans who reside over there, and whose images appear regularly in the wonderful photo's they are kind enough to share with us 'foreign' fans, have discovered, even they have a certain notoriety now. That is the beauty of Facebook, Twitter and My Space, in that photo's can be posted and shared by millions in a matter of minutes. As such, in the blink of an eye your face can be known by milllions without you really knowing it!!!!However, thankfully these guys have their feet firmly planted on the ground. Unfortunately to other such characters who do not have such a stable personality a little bit of fame goes a long, long way and these days you can become famous for being infamous!!! I find it highly amusing since one such 'infamous' fan has probably now had more column inches devoted to her within blogs and Social Networking sites than even Conrad Murray himself! What I do find totally reprehensible and unforgivable is that these characters also use their guile to pray upon the gullible fans, who can be easily manipulated for their own gain whether morally or financially. They reel them in making these fans believe they are better connected than they actually are by posting 'photoshopped' photographs. These guys are extremely manipulative and must be avoided at all costs!
I must add here it is very difficult not to perceive that these characters may possibly have strings that are being pulled by others with their aim to target those who are fighting so hard to get information and answers in regards to Michaels murder and whom are working tirelessly to keep the fans united
So in practically the space of a year we went from all (or the majority of us) wanting justice for Michael to suddenly finding the main business at hand being warding off yet another attack on ones integrity or trying to work out from which direction the next attack would come from. Whether planned or not the overall effect of all of this was very demoralising on the majority of us. We were Michael's fans, we collectively came together and bonded in 2009 over our grief at his loss and our strong, strong love and devotion to his music and his beliefs. Most of us were not wired up to be fighters - well not of, so called, other fans - for justice maybe. People you perceived to be friends you suddenly found yourself doubting. If it was tough in LA, a million miles away in the UK it was even tougher. It was very hard not to become totally paranoid and neurotic. I had built up friendships with a lot of the fans over there. As I said in the introductory paragraph, they were my escape, my dream, my portal to all things MJ related. However, after one particularly bleak couple of days, for the first time since we lost Michael I found myself actually questioning what was I doing? However, as they say " What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and I would add as well, also strengthens some friendships.
The week of 'Oprah's' interview with Kathryn and the J3, along with the airing of Michael's first single since his death, was a tough one for all of us. Many were dreading the interview for so many reasons, the main one being that Oprah had 'history' with Michael, having aired a Molestation documentary on the last day of Michael's Trial and managing to manipulate conversations with other interviewees to enable her to refer to to the molestation issue again an again. Many also felt that Michael would not have wanted his children to have been put in the spotlight and certainly not with Oprah! To my mind, and through the tears with which I viewed it. I felt that it had been quite well conducted - although would have loved it to go on for longer! Although I did agree with the majority, in regards to the children, it was wonderful to see them growing up relatively 'normally'. However there was a big, big space there, which should have been filled by Michael. The airing of his single 'Breaking News' along with the release date for the album 'Michael' should also have bought a smile to all our faces, unfortunately just before the Sony allowed us to preview the single' on MJ.com, Howard Mann who runs 'The Jackson Secret Vault' website and who is purported to be Kathryn's business advisor, decided to release another track of Michaels, called 'Opus None', citing that Kathryn had given her blessing on it's release!!! Liar, liar... pants on fire!!!! As soon as it hit the web, there was a mass 'howl' from the fans that there was no way that this was a bonafide 'MJ' track. In the end the 'good' Mr Mann had to 'fess' up that this was in fact a rehash of an older J5 Tack that had been 'tranced' up and that Kathryn had most certainly not given her blessing!! So with that experience firmly in our minds when we all expectantly came to listen to 'Breaking News' on the 8th Nov on MJ.com, it is understandable that a lot of us were sceptical again, as to was this , indeed, Michael. Rumours abounded that only part of the song was MJ and the rest had been 'finished' off by a tribute artist called Jason Malachi. As I said what should have been a exuberant week for us, quickly turned sour with bickering starting yet again and the '$ony $ucks ' campaigners having a field day spreading conspiracy theories all over the MJ sites. Personally I smelt a 'rat'. I feel like the fans are being used, again, by others who have bigger agenda's. I am spitting feathers here because I just have this feeling that there are 'Fat Cats' out there who are more than aware how vulnerable Michael's fans are at this time, with many of us still grieving his loss and the rest of us still trying to piece together the 'what's', 'why's' and 'wherefore's' of his death. They are taking full advantage of this to sow seeds of confusion and doubt amongst us. Now whether it is to try to divide us, again, ( there have been certain elements and fractions in amongst us who tried and are still trying to do this). Or whether, as I mentioned previously, it is to do with a bigger agenda (the ATV/MJAC Catalogue?) only time will tell. Emotions were also fraught when after the elation of the success of Kamalah Harris appearing to secure the Attorny General post in Sol Cal, after a very closely fought battle with Steve Cooley (he had been re-elected 3 years running). It turns out that there were still postal votes to be counted. At the time of writing Cooley appears to have taken over the lead! Many within the LA MJ community are very aware of Cooleys lack-a-daisyical attitude to securing the right charge on Conrad Murray and have suspicions about his connections with the likes of John Branca and AEG. Many also believe should he get re-elected again, there will be no justice for Michael!
As 2010 slowly draws to an end....I am prone to reflect on all it has served up to me!! It has without a doubt been a momentous year, in that I have made big changes to my life. On top of that I have had wonderful experiences with wonderful people all in the name of Michael. The year still has a couple of months to go and with the release of the album, the 'Michael Jackson Experience' Game, the run up to the Prelim and the result of the Attorney General race, no doubt there will be a few more curveballs on the horizon. However, we expect no less, since one thing we all agree on ...being a Michael Jackson fan was never, ever going to be easy!!!
