When I first discovered you guys, I was in the deepest stages of grief!! I had never experienced emotions like these!! Confused and bewlildered (and with no one within my circle of friends or family MJ fans), I somehow managed to blunder onto first the MJ.Com site and then Facebook. I had found home!! I had found my new family!! I was I admit also escaping from a marriage in freefall and my daughters behavioural problems.
Dubious about the forums, I was so amazed to read postings from others sharing the same feelings as myself. I found informative articles on the circumstances surrounding Michael's death, well researched and intelligently written. My days were basically divided into getting everything done quickly enough to enable me to get back onto my laptop! I made friends, globally, learnt how to make Youtube vids and how to upload tunes and pictures etc along with producing a website. More importantly I started learning how flawed the Californian justice system is! I got Skype installed on my laptop and will never forget the thrill of speaking with one of my dearest friends in New York, hearing her voice so clearly!! This application never ceases to amaze me!!
During those early days we all helped each other. If one of us happened to post we were struggling we would be swamped with words of kindess and offers of help! It was the way it should be and I had no reason to suppose this caring wouldnt continue. We are after all Michael's fans and as such a mirror image of the man! I am proud to say that I was witness to the birth of some amazing sites and campaigns along the way. Michael death has marked the re-birth of a lot of very strong willed, intelligent women.
As time went by we became more and more aware of the awful circumstances regarding Michael's final months, week, days and hours. It made me more and more determined to fight to get to the truth and to see that Conrad Murray would go down for a long time.
I was also determined to fight for OUR rights. For it seemed to me that although, all the focus was (and rightfully so) on Michael and the investigation. We, his fans had been forgotton about in all of this and the majority of us were still suffering so badly and with no immediate signs of anything in the near future that might bring us any closure. His burial was private. His body interred in a tomb within a Mausoleum (couldn't have been more inaccessable to us, having said that a fan did manage to get in and get pictures!), and forget about some sort of tribute concert...we all know how many of those Jermaine organised and cancelled. It seems he can only really do them succesfully in Africa! So we have been left in a sort of limbo...Nomads with no real place to go to sit and contemplate and remember our 'King'. No one was sticking up for us through all of this!
Before we knew it the New Year had arrived, however instead of it bringing us closer together it seemed that cracks were begiining to show. Friendships were straining ( in a way it was understandable, we had all flocked together intially to gather strength and comfort within our numbers, we had, in the first instance, bonded through our grief, however with the passing of time we eventually discovered that some of those we had 'bonded' with were pehaps not the people we would normally call our friends and as such it was time to cut the cord). It was to be sign of worst to come!!!
The bickering would continue...Slowly gathering in strength it would seem to be aimed at certain individuals and mysteriously enough those individuals who were fighting and working so hard to get 'Justice for Michael'. I couldnt understand it....Firstly the bickering - when we were all telling each other to be 'Mike-like' and respect our fellow fans? However, on closer inspection it began to appear that infact it was a case of certain parties vying for the limelight and being resentful of those (who through their own intiatives and industry) managing to attain it, along with no certain amount of jealousy over others success's. There was also a scramble to be' the person closest to the person closest to The Family' !! Crazy !!!
Or maybe not so...You see through all of this we are ALL of us still grieving, with as yet no answers...time is ticking on....We are all of us trying to get back to some sort of normality but (and I speak personally here) it is oh so difficult when always at the back of your mind is Michael!! We are still angry and very, very frustrated, especially since it is looking more and more like Murray will get off with little more than a slapped wrist, however in the meantime in the 'Trial of the Century' Michael's name will be dragged through the mud, yet again!! So we all of us are carrying around this anger of injustice within us, with no one else to direct it at....apart from our fellow fans!! Some of us manage to channel our anger and grief into postive outlets such as fighting for Justice for Michael, writing blogs or even drawing or writing poetry. However for those unable for one reason or another to do so...It has to have some sort of outlet and that I believe is the fundamental underlying reason for fans attacking fans. Please dont get me wrong - I do not in any way condone it but I do understand it!!
When will it ever stop?? I do not know, what I do know is that if it were to continue, we will slowly but surely end up dissappating since, no one will want to be either associated with forums or sites where there is any fighting. If we cannot get along on the fan sites what hope is there when we try to unite outside the courthouse. Will the fighting continue there?? The press would have a field day!!! Michael would have no one to stand up and fight his corner! The world would never know the injustices being perpetrated in LA!! This is what we are risking
As I have said previously, my other fight is for our rights and our main one is to find somewhere in California where we can safely gather and remember Michael without fear of harassment. There is one small chink of light. A story appeared a couple of days ago about the Californian State Parks Dept wanting to purchase Neverland. Now, before you all start screaming and shouting about "it was never Michael's home after the 2005 Trial and that " It should be kept for the kids" . It can never be Michael's home, however Neverland was a very special place to Michael...it was where he had a lot of very happy memories and I feel spritually it will always be his home. As for it eventually belonging to the children...well it is co-owned by the Estate and Colony Capital. However, Colony Capital own the larger share, so it would always be up to them as to what would happen to it. It is currently on the market for $100 million.
Should the Parks Dept get ownership, it would ensure that the environment and wildlife contained within would be protected for future generations to come. Something I feel Michael would approve of! It would also ensure that the public would be able to gain access and be able to see and appreciate the beauty of Neverland for themselves. Can you imagine being able to actually walk through those gates??
There is one big problem...as always money. Like every other State and County/Provence in the world it is short of cash. However, we could help....all of us!! If every MJ fan (globally) donated $5 we could easily help bridge the gap!! Obviously this woud be a totally unique venture where a fanbase work alongside a Governmental Dept to help maintain a property, for if we were able to raise the funds, then it goes without saying that we should have some say in the running of the place. We could be allowed to have fan get-togethers on certain days (can you imagine watching TII in the cinema) and we could also ensure that a memorial is erected with in the Park allowing us somewhere to lay our tributes. The main house and guest houses could be rented out (with usage being stricly vetted and maybe only a certain part of the main house opened up). The revenue from this venture helping to maintain the properties and land. I know there are some who feel uncomfortable about 'others' gain access to what was Michael's home but it is his home no longer and it is just sitting there!! Would you really have some corporate body buy it and never let us near it or god forbid turn it into a hotel!! This is I feel our one and only chance to secure Neverland's future the way it should be and if we prevaricate too long we will loose Neverland forever and we will only have ourselves to blame!! I have already written to the Parks Dept to check the validity of the story and I am at present awaiting a reply.
Having a place to go (and for oversees fans, such as myself, a goal to aim towards) where one can feel 'close' to Michael I feel will be half the battle. We can really unite there. Hold regular gatherings where we can all actually meet and really get to know one another and exchange and discuss face-to-face our ideas and feelings. It is our right and if the Estate wont help us then we have to help ourselves!!
In the meantime. Again we wait, but we learn who our friends are and we ignore anyone who appears to be acting in an un-Mike-like manner. If you wouldnt say it or do it outside of the fansites dont say it on them. Lets be kind to one another and remember we are all only human underneath it all and we are all still hurting!
Dubious about the forums, I was so amazed to read postings from others sharing the same feelings as myself. I found informative articles on the circumstances surrounding Michael's death, well researched and intelligently written. My days were basically divided into getting everything done quickly enough to enable me to get back onto my laptop! I made friends, globally, learnt how to make Youtube vids and how to upload tunes and pictures etc along with producing a website. More importantly I started learning how flawed the Californian justice system is! I got Skype installed on my laptop and will never forget the thrill of speaking with one of my dearest friends in New York, hearing her voice so clearly!! This application never ceases to amaze me!!
During those early days we all helped each other. If one of us happened to post we were struggling we would be swamped with words of kindess and offers of help! It was the way it should be and I had no reason to suppose this caring wouldnt continue. We are after all Michael's fans and as such a mirror image of the man! I am proud to say that I was witness to the birth of some amazing sites and campaigns along the way. Michael death has marked the re-birth of a lot of very strong willed, intelligent women.
As time went by we became more and more aware of the awful circumstances regarding Michael's final months, week, days and hours. It made me more and more determined to fight to get to the truth and to see that Conrad Murray would go down for a long time.
I was also determined to fight for OUR rights. For it seemed to me that although, all the focus was (and rightfully so) on Michael and the investigation. We, his fans had been forgotton about in all of this and the majority of us were still suffering so badly and with no immediate signs of anything in the near future that might bring us any closure. His burial was private. His body interred in a tomb within a Mausoleum (couldn't have been more inaccessable to us, having said that a fan did manage to get in and get pictures!), and forget about some sort of tribute concert...we all know how many of those Jermaine organised and cancelled. It seems he can only really do them succesfully in Africa! So we have been left in a sort of limbo...Nomads with no real place to go to sit and contemplate and remember our 'King'. No one was sticking up for us through all of this!
Before we knew it the New Year had arrived, however instead of it bringing us closer together it seemed that cracks were begiining to show. Friendships were straining ( in a way it was understandable, we had all flocked together intially to gather strength and comfort within our numbers, we had, in the first instance, bonded through our grief, however with the passing of time we eventually discovered that some of those we had 'bonded' with were pehaps not the people we would normally call our friends and as such it was time to cut the cord). It was to be sign of worst to come!!!
The bickering would continue...Slowly gathering in strength it would seem to be aimed at certain individuals and mysteriously enough those individuals who were fighting and working so hard to get 'Justice for Michael'. I couldnt understand it....Firstly the bickering - when we were all telling each other to be 'Mike-like' and respect our fellow fans? However, on closer inspection it began to appear that infact it was a case of certain parties vying for the limelight and being resentful of those (who through their own intiatives and industry) managing to attain it, along with no certain amount of jealousy over others success's. There was also a scramble to be' the person closest to the person closest to The Family' !! Crazy !!!
Or maybe not so...You see through all of this we are ALL of us still grieving, with as yet no answers...time is ticking on....We are all of us trying to get back to some sort of normality but (and I speak personally here) it is oh so difficult when always at the back of your mind is Michael!! We are still angry and very, very frustrated, especially since it is looking more and more like Murray will get off with little more than a slapped wrist, however in the meantime in the 'Trial of the Century' Michael's name will be dragged through the mud, yet again!! So we all of us are carrying around this anger of injustice within us, with no one else to direct it at....apart from our fellow fans!! Some of us manage to channel our anger and grief into postive outlets such as fighting for Justice for Michael, writing blogs or even drawing or writing poetry. However for those unable for one reason or another to do so...It has to have some sort of outlet and that I believe is the fundamental underlying reason for fans attacking fans. Please dont get me wrong - I do not in any way condone it but I do understand it!!
When will it ever stop?? I do not know, what I do know is that if it were to continue, we will slowly but surely end up dissappating since, no one will want to be either associated with forums or sites where there is any fighting. If we cannot get along on the fan sites what hope is there when we try to unite outside the courthouse. Will the fighting continue there?? The press would have a field day!!! Michael would have no one to stand up and fight his corner! The world would never know the injustices being perpetrated in LA!! This is what we are risking
As I have said previously, my other fight is for our rights and our main one is to find somewhere in California where we can safely gather and remember Michael without fear of harassment. There is one small chink of light. A story appeared a couple of days ago about the Californian State Parks Dept wanting to purchase Neverland. Now, before you all start screaming and shouting about "it was never Michael's home after the 2005 Trial and that " It should be kept for the kids" . It can never be Michael's home, however Neverland was a very special place to Michael...it was where he had a lot of very happy memories and I feel spritually it will always be his home. As for it eventually belonging to the children...well it is co-owned by the Estate and Colony Capital. However, Colony Capital own the larger share, so it would always be up to them as to what would happen to it. It is currently on the market for $100 million.
Should the Parks Dept get ownership, it would ensure that the environment and wildlife contained within would be protected for future generations to come. Something I feel Michael would approve of! It would also ensure that the public would be able to gain access and be able to see and appreciate the beauty of Neverland for themselves. Can you imagine being able to actually walk through those gates??
There is one big problem...as always money. Like every other State and County/Provence in the world it is short of cash. However, we could help....all of us!! If every MJ fan (globally) donated $5 we could easily help bridge the gap!! Obviously this woud be a totally unique venture where a fanbase work alongside a Governmental Dept to help maintain a property, for if we were able to raise the funds, then it goes without saying that we should have some say in the running of the place. We could be allowed to have fan get-togethers on certain days (can you imagine watching TII in the cinema) and we could also ensure that a memorial is erected with in the Park allowing us somewhere to lay our tributes. The main house and guest houses could be rented out (with usage being stricly vetted and maybe only a certain part of the main house opened up). The revenue from this venture helping to maintain the properties and land. I know there are some who feel uncomfortable about 'others' gain access to what was Michael's home but it is his home no longer and it is just sitting there!! Would you really have some corporate body buy it and never let us near it or god forbid turn it into a hotel!! This is I feel our one and only chance to secure Neverland's future the way it should be and if we prevaricate too long we will loose Neverland forever and we will only have ourselves to blame!! I have already written to the Parks Dept to check the validity of the story and I am at present awaiting a reply.
Having a place to go (and for oversees fans, such as myself, a goal to aim towards) where one can feel 'close' to Michael I feel will be half the battle. We can really unite there. Hold regular gatherings where we can all actually meet and really get to know one another and exchange and discuss face-to-face our ideas and feelings. It is our right and if the Estate wont help us then we have to help ourselves!!
In the meantime. Again we wait, but we learn who our friends are and we ignore anyone who appears to be acting in an un-Mike-like manner. If you wouldnt say it or do it outside of the fansites dont say it on them. Lets be kind to one another and remember we are all only human underneath it all and we are all still hurting!
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